You Might Be a Fraudster If…

With this week’s post, I hope to lighten the mood a bit, but I don’t want you to think that I take fraud lightly. If you know me, I like to tell jokes to make people laugh. However, I am sometimes ineffective because I come up with funny things in my head, but when I say them out loud, they come out as corny. 

Jeff Foxworthy was the inspiration for my latest attempt at comedic success. You have probably heard “You might be a redneck if . . .” jokes. I have lived in the South my entire life and I must admit that I relate to some of these jokes. For those of you in the north, you have probably heard these jokes before, and it could be challenging for you to relate to them. Don’t get me wrong, not relating doesn’t mean that you don’t get a good laugh from them.

I have put a little twist or spin on Foxworthy’s jokes by shifting the focus from the redneck to the fraudster. As an example, “If you get three paychecks from the same company, you might be a fraudster.”

It’s not all that funny when you just read it. Delivery is very important when telling a joke. Therefore, try to follow Foxworthy’s process, which is quite simple:  1) start each joke with “If you”; 2) then describe a scenario or habit of the fraudster; 3) pause for second or two; 4) next drag out the word “you”; and 5) end by saying “might be a fraudster” at a faster cadence than the first part of the joke.

Now you are ready for the following:

• If you worry about having too much money in your bank account, you might be a fraudster.
• If you get paychecks from two different companies for doing the same job, you might be a fraudster.
• If you use a shell company to hold your real estate, you might be a fraudster.
• If you buy a bass boat for your best customer, you might be a fraudster.
• If you prepare invoices for services never performed, you might be a fraudster.
• If every time your boss calls you in his office you sweat because you think he discovered your fraud scheme, you might be a fraudster.
• If you think taking a selfie is slang for stealing a portion of the profits for yourself, you might be a fraudster.
• If you drink better scotch than the owner of your company, you might be a fraudster.
• If they force you to take a vacation and you still go to work, you might be a fraudster.
• If you hear shopping spree and you make a quick electronic payment to MasterCard from your company’s payroll account before you agree to go, you might be a fraudster.
• If you give a 20% discount to customers paying in cash, you might be a fraudster.
• If your exit strategy involves deleting emails and shredding documents, you might be a fraudster.
• If your favorite movie is Catch Me If You Can, you might be a fraudster.
• If you get caught stealing and in your best Justin Bieber voice, you start singing, “Is it too late now to say sorry,” you might be a fraudster.
• If you're a horrible chef but great at cooking the books, you might be a fraudster.
• If you think larceny is a city in Mexico, you might be a fraudster.
• If someone asks for a kickback and you know they aren’t talking about soccer, you might be a fraudster.
• If you know the perfect answer to all the auditor’s questions, you might be a fraudster.
• If everyone is gone and you're still at work to cover your tracks in the accounting system, you might be a fraudster.

As I mentioned before, I may be a little corny, but I hope some of them made you laugh. Please stay focused on fraud within your organization. I would also encourage you to develop your own “You might be a fraudster if . . .” jokes. 

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